Monday, September 21, 2009
मुझे वहां ले चलो...
मुझे वहां ले चलो
जहाँ हवाएं अपनी सी थी।
जहाँ की घास ठंडी सी थी।
जहाँ सूरज की रोशनी चुभती न थी।
जहाँ वृक्षों की छाँव में घुटन न थी।
जहाँ इमारतें बाहें फैलाती थी।
जहाँ हर सड़क दिल को छूकर जाती थी।
जहाँ हर फूल मुस्कुराता था.
जहाँ सब मेरे आपे में था।
मुझे वहां ले चलो
जहाँ कोई भी गैर, पराया न था।
Friday, September 18, 2009
a new world...a new life
JNU... to me, it was always like the IIT's- something to look upto, a place to be in awe of- but a place i was not allowed to dream about. and here i am...a certified student of JNU, attending classes...and having that campus referred to as mine.
one can be forgiven for thinking of jnu as *just a campus*- its anything but that. its a world of its own- it has its own politics, its own culture, its own lingua franca...its own ways of doing and saying things. there's everything inside there- millions of canteens, multiple photocopy shops, a whole row of book shops, a big library for each dept AND two huge libraries, a big market (with its own mother diary and other shops), lotssss of hostels...and a wholeeee lot of people.
my beloved old south campus- with all its buildings situated in a circular fashion, one canteen, one cute photocopy shop, one library, one girls hostel, and two boys hostels...and an everyone knows everyone sort of atmosphere- seems very village like in comparison.
and its not just the physicality...the culture of jnu is unlike anything i have ever witnessed before. students hold dharnas, and seem to genuinely believe for certain causes...graffitti is everywhere...there are anti-marx posters, anti-hindutva posters, anti-opening of nescafe posters, posters announcing dharnas for various reasons...at times it seems that jnu is anti-everything...
the people are so different...it actually is a mini india...im one of the three delhiites in a class of 21 in my class- its strange to be in a class where people dont know of north/south campus, or dont go to CP often, or shop at sn or janpath...hell im sure some of them dont even know of priyas. they refer to *dilli* as a foreign country...for them, jnu is all the delhi they need to know.
everyone seems to be stupendously intelligent...they know about everything..they talk of things which dont even sound like english...let alone sound familiar. and they're all intelligent in a very nonchalant way...in the beginning, during our free periods when the class would go out for tea, the topics of discussion ranged from Indo-US nuclear deal to Max Mueller's work on India...if you walk around campus, you hear people saying things like "oh he specializes in medieval history" "oh i would love to read your article"...it was all so alien, so strange...
its easy to be overwhelmed by the multiplicity and largeness of everything in jnu. it may sound strange, coming from someone who's studied in delhi for the past 7 years...but this world is starkly different from everything which i called *college* earlier. its been more than a month...but i still feel very much like a participant observer of some DU vs JNU comparative experiment. i feel like im here to take notes, and go back...
i still feel comfortable referring to myself as a DU girl; i spent five years inside that system, living and breathing the good and the bad of it...its become a part of my identity. i wonder if ill ever call myself a JNU girl, without it sounding like a pretense to my own ears...
one can be forgiven for thinking of jnu as *just a campus*- its anything but that. its a world of its own- it has its own politics, its own culture, its own lingua franca...its own ways of doing and saying things. there's everything inside there- millions of canteens, multiple photocopy shops, a whole row of book shops, a big library for each dept AND two huge libraries, a big market (with its own mother diary and other shops), lotssss of hostels...and a wholeeee lot of people.
my beloved old south campus- with all its buildings situated in a circular fashion, one canteen, one cute photocopy shop, one library, one girls hostel, and two boys hostels...and an everyone knows everyone sort of atmosphere- seems very village like in comparison.
and its not just the physicality...the culture of jnu is unlike anything i have ever witnessed before. students hold dharnas, and seem to genuinely believe for certain causes...graffitti is everywhere...there are anti-marx posters, anti-hindutva posters, anti-opening of nescafe posters, posters announcing dharnas for various reasons...at times it seems that jnu is anti-everything...
the people are so different...it actually is a mini india...im one of the three delhiites in a class of 21 in my class- its strange to be in a class where people dont know of north/south campus, or dont go to CP often, or shop at sn or janpath...hell im sure some of them dont even know of priyas. they refer to *dilli* as a foreign country...for them, jnu is all the delhi they need to know.
everyone seems to be stupendously intelligent...they know about everything..they talk of things which dont even sound like english...let alone sound familiar. and they're all intelligent in a very nonchalant way...in the beginning, during our free periods when the class would go out for tea, the topics of discussion ranged from Indo-US nuclear deal to Max Mueller's work on India...if you walk around campus, you hear people saying things like "oh he specializes in medieval history" "oh i would love to read your article"...it was all so alien, so strange...
its easy to be overwhelmed by the multiplicity and largeness of everything in jnu. it may sound strange, coming from someone who's studied in delhi for the past 7 years...but this world is starkly different from everything which i called *college* earlier. its been more than a month...but i still feel very much like a participant observer of some DU vs JNU comparative experiment. i feel like im here to take notes, and go back...
i still feel comfortable referring to myself as a DU girl; i spent five years inside that system, living and breathing the good and the bad of it...its become a part of my identity. i wonder if ill ever call myself a JNU girl, without it sounding like a pretense to my own ears...
Thursday, June 18, 2009
hope...and faith
no this post is not about the show on star world (of which i havent seen a single episode).
this post is about my recent trip to one of the most revered pilgrimages of this country- vaishno devi. no it wasnt my first trip, in fact it was my third. but it was perhaps the first time that i have really put thought into the topic of this post.
during the 12 km long steep climb, one of the members of our 9 member entourage asked "so why are we going here?" to that, my dad replied "well you see the story is that the rakshas bhairon was chasing the goddess and..." before he could complete, the questioner said "toh humhe kya? why are we climbing this steep hill?" there was a little bit of silence...and then some explanations were given...like how its all a matter of faith, and belief. and the famous saying: na maane toh pathhar, maano toh bhagwan. my dad said something about how you should sacrifice something (in this case you exert yourself physically) to attain something (in this case darshan) for it to be worthwhile. my mom said something about there being total focus since you're climbing this steep hill and you're giving it your all physically. the questioner was partially convinced...and we all continued to walk.
but the question remained with me- why is it that lakhs of people, from all corners of the country and across all strata of society, undertake an arduous journey, to get darshan of this mata vaishno devi, for a fraction of a minute? (interesting point to note- there is no idol or photo of mata; she is said to have manifested in the form of three stones, "pinds" they call it) there are people who walk barefoot the whole way, those with physical handicaps, people carrying their infant children the whole way, old people (and i mean old like 80 yr olds) walking slowly....just for a fraction of a minute. to the cynic or the atheist, it would seem sheer stupidity. to the believer, its faith.
i wouldnt call myself a very religious person- i dont pray daily or follow (or even know) many rituals...but im not a cynic or an atheist. i believe in a superpower, a power greater than humans, something which controls this universe. i find peace in certain places of worship, i have certain quirks which you may attribute to religion.
the greatest thing, i think, is faith- a kind of immense and unconditional trust, faith in your god, a state of total surrender, which perhaps drives people to walk 12 km up on a steep hill. it is a belief that mata would solve all their problems...or a kind of a thank you to mata for solving all their problems.
the climb up vaishno devi is an interesting experience...my mom, when explaining the why, stated "do you remember your worries while climbing? you are in an almost trance like state...you dont remember your office problems or the problems at home. you are just climbing."
unless you are a hardcore cynic, hell bent on proving that this climb is sheer stupidity, its difficult for you to remain untouched by the experience of this journey. its by no means easy- there are sharp turns, there are really steep stretches, at times it rains heavily, there are ponies/horses/donkeys all the way leaving veryyy less room to climb at times, its very cold and c-r-o-w-d-e-d at the top, and you may have to wait for hours to get a darshan (not to forget the body aches and pulled muscles you endure)...but the fun of the climb, the sights of all kinds of people walking up the mountains and the sheer ignorance to the physical pain, and the feeling one has during and after the journey, is absolutely indescribable.
much like life itself.
they say faith can move mountains. maybe. to me, the greatest thing is that it moves people.
this post is about my recent trip to one of the most revered pilgrimages of this country- vaishno devi. no it wasnt my first trip, in fact it was my third. but it was perhaps the first time that i have really put thought into the topic of this post.
during the 12 km long steep climb, one of the members of our 9 member entourage asked "so why are we going here?" to that, my dad replied "well you see the story is that the rakshas bhairon was chasing the goddess and..." before he could complete, the questioner said "toh humhe kya? why are we climbing this steep hill?" there was a little bit of silence...and then some explanations were given...like how its all a matter of faith, and belief. and the famous saying: na maane toh pathhar, maano toh bhagwan. my dad said something about how you should sacrifice something (in this case you exert yourself physically) to attain something (in this case darshan) for it to be worthwhile. my mom said something about there being total focus since you're climbing this steep hill and you're giving it your all physically. the questioner was partially convinced...and we all continued to walk.
but the question remained with me- why is it that lakhs of people, from all corners of the country and across all strata of society, undertake an arduous journey, to get darshan of this mata vaishno devi, for a fraction of a minute? (interesting point to note- there is no idol or photo of mata; she is said to have manifested in the form of three stones, "pinds" they call it) there are people who walk barefoot the whole way, those with physical handicaps, people carrying their infant children the whole way, old people (and i mean old like 80 yr olds) walking slowly....just for a fraction of a minute. to the cynic or the atheist, it would seem sheer stupidity. to the believer, its faith.
i wouldnt call myself a very religious person- i dont pray daily or follow (or even know) many rituals...but im not a cynic or an atheist. i believe in a superpower, a power greater than humans, something which controls this universe. i find peace in certain places of worship, i have certain quirks which you may attribute to religion.
the greatest thing, i think, is faith- a kind of immense and unconditional trust, faith in your god, a state of total surrender, which perhaps drives people to walk 12 km up on a steep hill. it is a belief that mata would solve all their problems...or a kind of a thank you to mata for solving all their problems.
the climb up vaishno devi is an interesting experience...my mom, when explaining the why, stated "do you remember your worries while climbing? you are in an almost trance like state...you dont remember your office problems or the problems at home. you are just climbing."
unless you are a hardcore cynic, hell bent on proving that this climb is sheer stupidity, its difficult for you to remain untouched by the experience of this journey. its by no means easy- there are sharp turns, there are really steep stretches, at times it rains heavily, there are ponies/horses/donkeys all the way leaving veryyy less room to climb at times, its very cold and c-r-o-w-d-e-d at the top, and you may have to wait for hours to get a darshan (not to forget the body aches and pulled muscles you endure)...but the fun of the climb, the sights of all kinds of people walking up the mountains and the sheer ignorance to the physical pain, and the feeling one has during and after the journey, is absolutely indescribable.
much like life itself.
they say faith can move mountains. maybe. to me, the greatest thing is that it moves people.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
*Magical Sunset*
The sky started to turn darker, as if it was cloaking itself to keep prying eyes from looking. The many hues of the clouds blended together in compromise, not fighting anymore for space in the sky. A gentle breeze came in, unsure of its surroundings at first, but slowly ruffling the leaves. The magnificent and radiant sun, which had warmed everything during the day, bowed out gracefully and allowed the moon to replace it for the night. The curtains slid through, telling us that today's show was over; it was sunset. But it would happen again tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after...
(written during English Elective exam, 1st term, 11th grade- who knew one could write sense during exams???)
(written during English Elective exam, 1st term, 11th grade- who knew one could write sense during exams???)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
being a 'kanya'
i went to someone's place today, to be a part of some ceremony where they needed married women and one 'kanya'...which i qualified for. the purpose of that was to wish everyone a happy married life...or something to that effect. it wasnt a big ceremony, basically they washed our feet and served us nice food and then gave us a small token and said tata. apparently, they couldnt find an unmarried girl for a long time and i came as godsent. so all the aunties thanked me profusely, much to my embarrassment.
i couldnt figure out why i had gone there, or why it was all happening. and i found it particularly interesting to note one of the aunties who was the resident 'principal' as everyone was calling her- she was guiding people what to do, how to do, what not to do, which side to stand, who is to do what, etc etc.
the thing about these ceremonies is, we dont know their significance half the time. we dont know why we're supposed to be doing this or that. me and dad were discussing today that many ceremonies/rituals were made for a specific reason, most of which is obsolete today. like we have this ritual in tamil brahmin marriages where after the 'marriage' part, the bride and groom play with coconuts and break 'papads' and things...it was made for child marriages to engage the children, but now of course, 25/30 yr olds play those games. similarly there is this one ritual where the bride and groom sit on a 'jhoola' for some time.
my dad was telling me today why there is a difference in the death rituals of hindus and muslims...i mean one of the reasons why. islam was founded in the arab world, where its all desert and sand, and no wood...so they buried their people. while india had lots of trees and thus lots of wood and thats why they burnt the dead. interesting explanation no?!
i attended a wedding once, where the pandit actually explained the significance of every single ritual and small thing...it was so fascinating...and made the whole ceremony so meaningful. but people like that pandit are far and few; most people dont know the significance of the things they make people do, and if they do, they lack the time/patience/skill/intention to spread the knowledge.
its kind of sad if you think about it, i mean we're part of such a rich culture, full of rituals and ceremonies which have deep significance and tremendous meaning. which were made for a reason. and we dont know most of it. we follow them blindly, without realizing their deeper significance and why we're following them.
guess thats that.
i couldnt figure out why i had gone there, or why it was all happening. and i found it particularly interesting to note one of the aunties who was the resident 'principal' as everyone was calling her- she was guiding people what to do, how to do, what not to do, which side to stand, who is to do what, etc etc.
the thing about these ceremonies is, we dont know their significance half the time. we dont know why we're supposed to be doing this or that. me and dad were discussing today that many ceremonies/rituals were made for a specific reason, most of which is obsolete today. like we have this ritual in tamil brahmin marriages where after the 'marriage' part, the bride and groom play with coconuts and break 'papads' and things...it was made for child marriages to engage the children, but now of course, 25/30 yr olds play those games. similarly there is this one ritual where the bride and groom sit on a 'jhoola' for some time.
my dad was telling me today why there is a difference in the death rituals of hindus and muslims...i mean one of the reasons why. islam was founded in the arab world, where its all desert and sand, and no wood...so they buried their people. while india had lots of trees and thus lots of wood and thats why they burnt the dead. interesting explanation no?!
i attended a wedding once, where the pandit actually explained the significance of every single ritual and small thing...it was so fascinating...and made the whole ceremony so meaningful. but people like that pandit are far and few; most people dont know the significance of the things they make people do, and if they do, they lack the time/patience/skill/intention to spread the knowledge.
its kind of sad if you think about it, i mean we're part of such a rich culture, full of rituals and ceremonies which have deep significance and tremendous meaning. which were made for a reason. and we dont know most of it. we follow them blindly, without realizing their deeper significance and why we're following them.
guess thats that.
Monday, April 27, 2009
an ode to SC- my life, and home, for the past two years
sometime in may 2007
mom- "i have a feeling you'll get through south campus"
me- "huh??? WHY?"
mom- "i just do."
me- "why cant you have a feeling that ill get through north?"
mom- "its just a feeling."
july 2007: I joined south campus for my M.A. in applied psychology, after not having made it anywhere else, after having waited for 2 hellish weeks. two years later, im all set to leave it.
what will i take with me when i leave this place? many many many memories. memories of random classes with one-of-a-kind professors. personality classes where Prof J would go off on a tangent most of the time, and forget what he was teaching. social classes, where SSV would go on and on and on and on about beliefs and positive psychology and laugh like...well, SSV! you cannot describe her laughter. classes with cherry blossom (that was the name bhavishya had given him in first year!) which absolutely made no sense and which would result in a million arguements. classes with gcg, mm, sen sir, arvind sir....they all had their quirky memories. ill take back memories of the north-south drama of last year, of a million letters written, and of the various meetings. ill take back memories of freshers and farewells, of preparing dances at the last moment, of organizing the food and the funds and the decorations. of bhavishya's jokes and animated way of narrating things. of swati's hyper behaviour. of sally's laughter and singing. creyzee's...creyzeeness(!). of other classmates' distinctive behaviour. of awesome seniors, and distant juniors. of sinead's rebt sessions and ssv's awe after that. ill take back memories of birthdays, and random gossip sessions.
south campus wasnt just my college, or the place where i studied. i lived here for two years...geetanjali hostel was 'home'. convincing auto-wallas to go drop us inside the campus used to be such a task- no one wanted to come inside! the random songs we made every single day. the creating 'gossip' out of non-issues, just for entertainment purposes. i could write reams on the hostel. every single day has been eventful- some funny or tragic incident, some idiotic act done or brilliant words spoken. as i leave, many things will be with me forever. like hostel nights. freshers, farewells, lohri parties, christmas parties. special dinners and the lines in the mess, the shortage of chairs on those days. the warden and the provost's funny-ness. the issues in the mess. robert bhaiyya. didu bhaiyya- the insanest guard EVER. aashima di's lectures and the way she narrates stories of the years gone by. the looks of all those people who used to stare at our eccentricity. making mahima read freud and getting sadistic pleasure out of her dumbstruck and horrified expressions. fms cultural evening- unforgettable! UDSC's diwali meet- unforgettable X a million! the canteen food. the photocopy shop. satya- its food, the mother diary shop, the good uncle ji's shop, the cute aunty's shop, the sadu uncle's shop, R's images and the strange uncle there. funny juniors, and highly entertaining seniors. juni. coming to hostel after a long break and being hugged by friends. the four of us- and the antics we were constantly up to. our fights and our discussions, every strange thing (and there were a LOT of those) that happened with/to/because of us- being just us.
my first night in hostel, i had gotten up at 1 in the night and saw sd and isha drag a table out of their room, coz they feared a spider inside it. the seriousness with which isha said it that night, and the way sd looked (her tiny hair oiled and braided) is an image ill never forget.
south campus. the place where i found my joy and my peace of mind again. the place i called home for two years. where i laughed and cried. where i gossiped and bitched. the place which saw many outbursts, of joy and of sadness. the dept which we all loved to hate and hated to love. im not sad to be leaving it- it was a greatttt two years, and now its time to move on. but south campus was... just the besht!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
The Island Kingdom
Bahrain- The smallest country I have ever been to, with a population of 6 lakhs (of which 3 lakhs are indians) and travelling from one corner to the other takes a maximum of an hour (if there's 'traffic' then an additional 15 mins MAX).one of my favourite places in the world, the mere mention of which brings a smile to my face. A place I will always associate with good times and lots of happiness. Bahrain was home for the past three and a half years, and now, as the family is moving back to Delhi, I feel strange; im thrilled that they're coming back, because the wait has been long. Im ecstatic at the idea of the four of us together in Delhi again. Im finally going to be 'home' again.
But Bahrain was really special. I loved the 'small-ness' and the 'everybody knows everybody' feeling one got there. You couldnt even go to the hospital without bumping into someone you know (of course it could get pretty intrusive sometimes, but still). I loved the fact that me and my brother were 'celebrity kids'- our parents were pretty well known there, and going from the anonymity of life in Delhi, it was quite fun being important there!
For my 3rd year project, I travelled the length and breadth of Bahrain, interviewing 16 families. It was in many ways, one of the most humbling experiences of my life, coz i relived many moments of their lives with them. Whenever I saw any member of any of these 16 families later on, I was always greeted warmly; that means a LOT of warm greetings :)
there was MUCH that was characteristic of Bahrain- the variety of food (Italian, Mexican, Lebanese, even the Indian...and of course the junk food, the cheese, the chocolates, the fruit juices), the laziness that used to overpower me the minute i landed at the airport, and manifested in forms of endless sleeping and tv watching during my stay, the random outings with my parents to various social events, people giving speeches at ALL occasions (even wedding receptions)...it was all so Bahrain.
I wanted to write this post for quite some time...but now that i have finally come down to it, i realize how difficult it is to write about Bahrain. It's hard to pin down what I loved about the place, and what I will miss. It's strange to get used to the idea that there will be no more trips to Bahrain, that perhaps Ill never be back there again in quite the same way. Goodbyes have never been easy, and this one is tremendously bittersweet.
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