Swades

I had full plans to write one of those "mera bharat mahaan", steeped-in-patriotism type of post for the republic day. And i just might some day...but today is not it. And here is why.
On the occasion of our nation's 62nd republic day, the family decided to go to the nearby temple town of vrindavan. Religious sentiments to be evoked, you would think, NOT patriotic ones. Keep reading.

The outskirts or the entry of vrindavan could pass off as the outskirts of any big city in the country. the roads are wide, there are new apartment buildings, with a whole small town kind of ambience. Very earthy, in a sense. There is the ISKCON temple right at the entry, which as anyone who has ever visited an ISKCON temple would tell you, is a very well maintained, "oozing of money" place and overall a very pretty looking complex. The fragrance of roses is overpowering (in a nice way) and the temple is such that it invites you inside.
We went to the Rang ji temple first, in a fatfati type auto. The temple was old, and wouldn't get brownie points for maintenance of the temple structure, but the complex was nice and huge and nothing really alarmed the senses. All was well up till now.
Then came the reason why I was inspired to write this post- the Banke Bihari temple. The auto dropped us at the end of a seemingly endless maze of small galis and we were instructed to walk through those to get the main temple. And walk we did. I don't think I am going to forget those 10 minutes of walking down to the temple, in a looooong time. The reason, in one word- filthy.
Now, I am not really much of a "cleanliness" freak or 'snob' when it comes to travelling. As in, of course i like perfectly clean and hygienic conditions, and all that...but i think im pretty ok with adjusting to not so clean environments. And having travelled quite a bit in India, i would say i have seen a wide variety of conditions, so nothing can really affect me too much. Or so i thought.
The route to the banke bihari mandir was easily, by far, the filthiest condition i have EVER seen. For the past one week since I got back, I have been trying to explain to people the exact vision, and no words have been able to justify that experience. There were pigs, there were people doing their "business", there were food stalls and the garbage was all over the place- all in a short distance of 200-300 metres. After that hell-ish walk, we reached the temple, practically got killed in a stampede (the topic of another post perhaps), and walked back through the same route to our auto. It was a relief to see normal roads, and 'civilization' again. But i couldn't get over those streets. And melodramatic as it may sound, it haunts me. Not the dirt, or the fact that a place of religion and faith was located amongst such filth- although that did bother me tremendously.

The thing which haunts me is that vrindavan, in its entirety, represented precisely what was wrong with this country we call motherland. We pay so much attention to the outer appearances of our cities and towns, but give a damn to what they really are on the inside. We build high rises, and fancy residential areas, and swanky malls filled with all the brands known to mankind. But that's not us! That is just us, trying hard to be like the rich nations, trying to ignore our real issues, our real problems. The Delhi government built state-of-the-art beautiful stadiums during the CWG, but hid the slums and the makeshift houses of construction workers by planting HUGE billboards in front of them. And then promptly removed them once the 'guests' were gone. And this is right in the capital of the largest democracy of the world, a so-called developing nation. To use an extremely superficial analogy, its like a fat person trying to hide their weight by dressing in the right colours and fits. It would work to give a thin appearance for a while, but eventually, the weight will show.

People in the cities would look at all the world rankings of poverty, human development, and wonder why we rank so low. Why, despite "sooooo much of economic growth and blah blah" do we fall lower in all these indices, year after year? It is because our policy makers, lack a collective integrity. Rather, as a society we lack a sense of integrity, a sense of duty. Things like corruption, "adjust kar le yaar", "manage ho jaayega", "koi farak nahin padta"...they are part of our DNA.
And unless we change our DNA, unless we do something drastic, the cities will keep getting richer, and more posh. But the streets of small town India would remain the same.

The last one of the year

I have been meaning to do a year end post for a while, and was putting it off till the last day (i.e. today the 31st) just in case...you know, if something happened at the last minute which would completely change the way I see the whole of this past year. Nothing of that sort happened...thank god :) It's extremely uncool that i was supremely busy the entire day and thus cant do total justice to this post. But i shall try my best.

2010- WOW! it has been, i think, one of the BESTEST years of my life in totality. Not only did supremely cool and awesome things happen- coming 2nd in JNU twice, the NET-JRF, driving (I drive absolutely kickass now btw...the post on driving came a bit too soon!), the awesome love story (which I admit I am partial to because I knew all the possible details!)- but it was also a year, where nothing horrible happened. I think the combination of the two just makes this the best year ever.

It was a year of many many family reunions, of strengthening old friendships and forming some new ones. It was a year of many successes and of feeling pride in my own existence. It was a year of travel, of discovering and rediscovering some places. It was a year of much joy and of a million memories. It has been a year which I will always look back at fondly, and feel proud of.

For the first time ever, I don't want a year to end. It feels like everything of the past year will be wiped clean, and I am extremely nervous about what kind of a year 2011 will be. It promises to be an eventful year- people very close to me are getting married, career-related decisions which could prove to be instrumental in shaping who 'I' become eventually, and I am sure many more things will crop up. I hope 2011 carries with it, some of the happiness, and some of the goodness from this year...and I sincerely hope and pray that it betters 2010 in every which way.

As the twin once said "May astrology, numerology and psychology work in our favour this year!" Happy new year everyone!

Kismat Connection

They call it "Lady Luck".

I couldn't agree more. Luck has to be a woman. It is erratic, weird, moody, temperamental, spontaneous, surprising and unexpected in a way, which the male species can never ever comprehend, let alone be.

My faith in luck and its twin, destiny, has always been pretty solid. Even at a young age, bogged down by life in general, I knew instinctively, that there has to be a greater plan for my life; a plan which went beyond the minute and seemingly irrelevant details of daily life. As time went on, and I grew up (dont i sound old?) lady luck's ways began to amaze me. There have been people, whose presence I couldn't comprehend at that time, or perhaps never even paid attention to, who have shaped my life in ways which I never thought was possible. Split second decisions which have at times turned out to be the best, and at times the worst, decisions of my life- ultimately shaping the person I am today.
Not to discount the power of human agency- one can overcome many an adversity by sheer willpower, and motivation. But thats just it- what decides where that willpower should be put to use? what decides when hard work will yield the results it is supposed to?
Our choices determine to a large extent who we are, what we become, and how we deal with the world- but what determines which choices works for us, and which doesnt? All this is way too complex to just leave to the word "co-incidence".

Why this sudden discourse on the relevance of luck and destiny? Well, I have recently been an e-witness to one of the best love stories which one can possibly hear, one which has got everything which a rom-com/chick flick aims to have- there's a childhood element, facebook and gtalk (my absolute favourites!), and love which is going to culminate in marriage soon. But most importantly, this love story, is rooted so deeply in destiny, that one cant help but say "its like...it was meant to be!" Love stories are awesome to hear, especially real life ones, but ones like this make you believe, reaffirm your faith in humanity and the powers to be, and everything nice and happy.

Any more justifications on why luck has to be a woman?

***I would like to dedicate this post to all those lovely people who have been pestering me to blog. Please comment so that i know you have read it! And also a special mention to the hero and the heroine of the love story- i have no idea whether you guys will read it (i will try to bully you into it though!)- you guys have made a cynic believe, and i love you for that!***

The many facets of personal space

I knew a person, not long ago, who always made a big deal out of getting personal space- "don't call me for a week, I'll contact you when I need to speak to you" type of behaviour. Before knowing this person, and facing certain life experiences, I never really thought much about this whole concept in a serious way.

Personal space is supremely important...I think we all need time in our lives to think about ourselves, and the world...and life in general. There are times when we're super bugged with humanity in general and just want to be. And we need this sometimes within the privacy and comfort of our own homes. I know of friends who stay in joint families, and I can understand just how difficult it is to be surrounded by people like all the time. I myself live in a semi-joint family type set up, so on a certain level, I relate to those issues. Family is supremely important, and I love mine to death- but there are times, when you just want to be by yourself, think about past/present/future, obsess about your day by yourself, deal with your little successes and failures on your own terms...just hang out with your own soul. We all need that.

I lived in a hostel for 2 years, and trust me when I say this, that nothing teaches you more about this whole notion of personal space than communal living. You literally live 24/7 with people who you are not related to, and who are not in any way obliged to love and tolerate you unconditionally. There is a constant struggle to find space and time for yourself amidst all the noise and commotion, and all those intermingled lives...its insane.
One thing which I learnt in those two years, was that its not just a challenge to get your own personal space in such situations, its also a herculean task to give it to others, especially those who you feel close to. It is very easy to prod and bug and question incessantly about what X did, why do you do this Y...its very easy to nag and invade privacy. What is difficult, is to give the other person time to figure out what he/she wants to share, while showing that you, at the end of the day, care about that person. Its a tightrope, with a risk of being labelled indifferent on one hand, and interfering on the other. There is also the whole deal of knowing when to ignore people's pleas of "Leave me alone!" when you know better- that leaving them alone would just lead to more problems; as opposed to actually leaving them alone when they ask (or sometimes don't ask) for it. In fact, it is at times easier to deal with people who you really don't care much for; you don't need to know what they did, and they don't need to know what you did...and life's good.

As if life wasn't complicated enough!

Barso re megha!

It's been a while since I wrote something, and was even pulled up by creyzeee about it. I told her about me having a kind of a writer's block, and she, in her inimitable style, dismissed it with a "vadde log, vaddi baatein" type of comment ;) But its actually true, I was having a "I don't know what to write about" kind of problem.
Yesterday I got up, with a feeling, that I have to write about something. And just like that, as I looked out of my balcony in the morning, it started to rain. And all my favourite rainy day moments, and rainy day songs started playing in my head, waiting to be put in words, waiting to be immortalized.

So here it is, some of my rain-related memories!

1) I lived in Kuala Lumpur for 3 years, and true to its tropical nature, it rained practically every single day- I am NOT kidding. And I have never ever seen a better example of "pouring like cats and dogs". In my school, we had this rule that unless there was lightening, the sports class wouldnt be called off: so i have many memories of playing football in the open school grounds, the rain completely blocking my vision (i didnt have lenses at that point of time, so fun times for me!) and getting hit by the ball ALL the time. Once, my mom had driven me and my brother to a nearby park for an evening out, and it started pouring (as usual), and i remember the three of us (definitely not the most geographically blessed in the family) had to make our way back home, amidst the showers and traffic jam...my mom hasnt driven a car since kuala lumpur, but whenever i think of my mom driving, i think of that incident.

2) One of my all-time favourite scenes from one of my all time favourite movies is the rain-dance in the gazebo scene from kuch kuch hota hai. That movie (all cheesiness and cliches included) always reminds me of childhood, of times when movies were so real...and that one scene for me symbolizes romance to the hilt. Recently, it was played out again in dostana, but it wasnt quite the same ;)

3) One day when I was in 12th grade, due to some seriously heavy rains in Delhi, my school bus reached school about 2 hours late...i remember walking into class to an image of socks hanging on the side of the room, and umbrellas opened up all over the place. That day, the humanities section had gone out for some competition, and because of that, my psychology class was cancelled. So, during the maths class which our classmates were attending, me and another psych student hung around the whole school barefoot (coz our shoes and socks were wet) and we even played hopscotch (good ole' stapu) in the rain. I remember coming home from school on that already lovely day, to the surprise that the parents had bunked office! I was 16 years old, but trust me, I was as happy as a little girl to see her parents at home when she came home from school :)

4) One of my closest friends from school, P, was in a terrible car accident when we were in 3rd year of undergrad. I remember all of us went absolutely crazy when we heard and wanted to see her the next possible day...the day we (the school gang) decided to go see her, all of us assembled and had lunch at our (then) favourite haunt- nirulas, chanakyapuri (which i continue to miss!). After gorging onto food, we came out to find N's car (which was to take us to P's house) not where it was parked...it had been towed! By then it had started raining, and all of us went in autos to rescue the car...by the time we got to teen murti police station, it was raining so so heavily! i remember me and two of my other school friends waited in the car (with rain swishing all around us) while N and S went to fight it out with the policemen...by the time we reached P's house, all "wish you speedy recovery" type dialogue went for a toss and it was all about "do you know what happened to our car?" It's not really a rainy day memory, but the rain just adds spice to the story :)

5) Whenever it rains (at least for the past 3 years), the first song which comes to my mind is "barso re megha"- i danced to this song on hostel night during masters, and thus know each beat, each word, each musical note...and i never get tired of it. whenever i see raindrops, i just want to dance to barso re!

6) I had gone to Poland in the middle of my masters, and one day while visiting the city center in Warsaw, me and my cousins were caught in the middle of some serious thundershowers. After waiting for about 10 minutes for the rain to stop, and then figuring out that nothing like this was going to happen for at least an hour more, my cousins decided (against my better judgement) to run in the rain to the train station...i pleaded and protested, but the brothers bullied me into running with them. But what a run it was! By the time we reached the station, we were wet and when we asked a lady to take our photograph, she looked at us like we were bonkers! When we got home, my aunt and uncle promptly told us to change and had steaming hot pakoras and chai ready...aah bliss!

7) In my final year of masters, me and some friends (in a bid to lead more fun lives) decided to go to the IIT fest, and as soon as we entered the campus, it started raining heavily and people who we met told us that scheduled events were most likely cancelled, since they were to take place outside. Despite such warnings, all of us walked in the rain (we were dressed really nicely btw) with 2 'barely there' umbrellas...my sandal broke, all of us were drenched to the hilt...and by the time we reached the inside of the campus, it was confirmed that the events were cancelled. So after hanging around aimlessly for some time (in the rain!) and having soup or coffee (don't remember) all of us trudged back to our hostel...mulle ki daud masjid tak!

8) One of my cousins got married last year, and right before his wedding reception in delhi, four of us went for a walk around our colony (its a code word for "secret bonding time"). In the middle of this walk, it started raining heavily, and instead of running back to our respective houses (which were hardly 30 seconds away) all of us stayed in the middle of the rain in a sheltered spot, and continued to talk and chat it away amidst the puddles, the thunder and the raindrops. That is one 'walk' which I'll never ever forget :)

Rain has been used as a metaphor for a lot of things in books/movies/songs- for love, for separation, for change, for happiness, for new beginnings, for sadness, for tragedies...and a myriad of emotions. For me, rain has always been about joy, about fun, about memories of a lifetime...

No Reservations

Reservations- a controversial topic in this country. It can incite protests, strikes, even immolation; perhaps its only next to communal violence in terms of evoking strong emotion in this country.
I am perhaps, the antithesis of the class of people which reservations cater to: I am an urban educated, upper caste, upper middle class Indian, who has had access to some of the best education this country can provide. So, my opinion would count for peanuts if I make a strong case against reservation. But that is just what I am going to do.
That does not mean I am elitist, or arrogant about my pedigree. I have absolutely nothing against the so called lower castes, nor do I adhere to this belief that only the upper castes have the brains to succeed. I have read much literature on the caste system, broken my head over the mind boggling facts and figures, and know that the whole concept of untouchability, and caste based discrimination, is a frightening reality- way beyond the comprehension of urban India. Despite all this, I have a serious problem with reservation. I have a problem with the Government deciding that since its schools arent anywhere near competent to provide even basic education, the private, so-called 'elite' schools must include disadvantaged, 'lower' caste children in their institutions. This 'shrugging' off responsibility is my problem. I have a problem with people from reserved classes being given preference in promotions, and college admissions, without taking into account what economic background they come from, and frankly, whether they even need such preferential treatment. It's quite ironic that the people who eventually reap the benefits of reservations, are those who are not in any way in need of them, which eventually leads to the people who deserve it, losing out. I am not against the Government giving extra benefits to the poor and the disadvantaged- but why can't this disadvantage be measured by economic factors, rather than what caste they belong to? Why should a rich Dalit be given preference over a poor Brahmin, just because our reservation criteria favours these so-called 'backward' castes?
Looking around, we can see that reservation has not really done any good in terms of integration of society. All it has done, is to deepen the cleavages between the various castes and social groups, and cause more animosity. If we have to kill social ills such as untouchability and caste based discrimination, it most certainly cannot be done by labelling people as 'backward classes' or 'scheduled classes'. This labelling of people into 'quota' category, does nothing except strengthen prejudices and stereotypes. Is that how India wants its people to be? Lets not make reservations a dividing factor; lets use affirmative action to benefit those who need it the most. Otherwise, no amount of reservations and 'quotas' can make India a superpower.

of the (not-so) fine line between love and like

A few years ago, I stumbled upon some priceless wisdom; that 'love' and 'like' are two extremely distinct entities. Until then, and I am sure with many people it holds true, like and love were on a simple continuum; first there's like...and then there's love. The latter is just an extension of the former. As in, you meet someone, you like them..if you like them for long enough and spend loads of quality time with them and go through the right amount of awesome and terrible times, eventually you start to love them. So that could hold true for people such as friends, maybe some teachers, people you work with who eventually become friends, your 'better halves'...and so on.

But human beings are just not that simplistic. Which is why I redefined these concepts, for my better understanding ;)

As I see it, 'like' is more objective, more rational; you like someone for various reasons- maybe you admire them for certain qualities, you share similar interests/perceptions, that person is very nice and sweet...endless. 'Like' has a component of respect, of mutual understanding; its based on very clear factors. You can easily say "I like XYZ coz...."
'Love' on the other hand...is extremely irrational; it has no clear basis. You could love someone who is absolutely the opposite of you, who drives you up the wall on most days. Sometimes, you forget why you love someone, you've been doing it for so long! What about those who you love before you were given a chance to like them? Such as family- you never go through the like-turns-into-love phase with them. You have loved them since before you could think for yourself. Then there are people, who you absolutely dislike in terms of the people they are; they say/do/stand for things which you don't agree with at any level. But you cant help but love them, cant help but feel and pray for them.

My world is full of people who I like, but probably don't love; and of those who I dislike, and still inexplicably love. What about you?