Monday, December 27, 2010

The last one of the year

I have been meaning to do a year end post for a while, and was putting it off till the last day (i.e. today the 31st) just in case...you know, if something happened at the last minute which would completely change the way I see the whole of this past year. Nothing of that sort happened...thank god :) It's extremely uncool that i was supremely busy the entire day and thus cant do total justice to this post. But i shall try my best.

2010- WOW! it has been, i think, one of the BESTEST years of my life in totality. Not only did supremely cool and awesome things happen- coming 2nd in JNU twice, the NET-JRF, driving (I drive absolutely kickass now btw...the post on driving came a bit too soon!), the awesome love story (which I admit I am partial to because I knew all the possible details!)- but it was also a year, where nothing horrible happened. I think the combination of the two just makes this the best year ever.

It was a year of many many family reunions, of strengthening old friendships and forming some new ones. It was a year of many successes and of feeling pride in my own existence. It was a year of travel, of discovering and rediscovering some places. It was a year of much joy and of a million memories. It has been a year which I will always look back at fondly, and feel proud of.

For the first time ever, I don't want a year to end. It feels like everything of the past year will be wiped clean, and I am extremely nervous about what kind of a year 2011 will be. It promises to be an eventful year- people very close to me are getting married, career-related decisions which could prove to be instrumental in shaping who 'I' become eventually, and I am sure many more things will crop up. I hope 2011 carries with it, some of the happiness, and some of the goodness from this year...and I sincerely hope and pray that it betters 2010 in every which way.

As the twin once said "May astrology, numerology and psychology work in our favour this year!" Happy new year everyone!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Kismat Connection

They call it "Lady Luck".

I couldn't agree more. Luck has to be a woman. It is erratic, weird, moody, temperamental, spontaneous, surprising and unexpected in a way, which the male species can never ever comprehend, let alone be.

My faith in luck and its twin, destiny, has always been pretty solid. Even at a young age, bogged down by life in general, I knew instinctively, that there has to be a greater plan for my life; a plan which went beyond the minute and seemingly irrelevant details of daily life. As time went on, and I grew up (dont i sound old?) lady luck's ways began to amaze me. There have been people, whose presence I couldn't comprehend at that time, or perhaps never even paid attention to, who have shaped my life in ways which I never thought was possible. Split second decisions which have at times turned out to be the best, and at times the worst, decisions of my life- ultimately shaping the person I am today.
Not to discount the power of human agency- one can overcome many an adversity by sheer willpower, and motivation. But thats just it- what decides where that willpower should be put to use? what decides when hard work will yield the results it is supposed to?
Our choices determine to a large extent who we are, what we become, and how we deal with the world- but what determines which choices works for us, and which doesnt? All this is way too complex to just leave to the word "co-incidence".

Why this sudden discourse on the relevance of luck and destiny? Well, I have recently been an e-witness to one of the best love stories which one can possibly hear, one which has got everything which a rom-com/chick flick aims to have- there's a childhood element, facebook and gtalk (my absolute favourites!), and love which is going to culminate in marriage soon. But most importantly, this love story, is rooted so deeply in destiny, that one cant help but say "its like...it was meant to be!" Love stories are awesome to hear, especially real life ones, but ones like this make you believe, reaffirm your faith in humanity and the powers to be, and everything nice and happy.

Any more justifications on why luck has to be a woman?

***I would like to dedicate this post to all those lovely people who have been pestering me to blog. Please comment so that i know you have read it! And also a special mention to the hero and the heroine of the love story- i have no idea whether you guys will read it (i will try to bully you into it though!)- you guys have made a cynic believe, and i love you for that!***

Saturday, August 14, 2010

The many facets of personal space

I knew a person, not long ago, who always made a big deal out of getting personal space- "don't call me for a week, I'll contact you when I need to speak to you" type of behaviour. Before knowing this person, and facing certain life experiences, I never really thought much about this whole concept in a serious way.

Personal space is supremely important...I think we all need time in our lives to think about ourselves, and the world...and life in general. There are times when we're super bugged with humanity in general and just want to be. And we need this sometimes within the privacy and comfort of our own homes. I know of friends who stay in joint families, and I can understand just how difficult it is to be surrounded by people like all the time. I myself live in a semi-joint family type set up, so on a certain level, I relate to those issues. Family is supremely important, and I love mine to death- but there are times, when you just want to be by yourself, think about past/present/future, obsess about your day by yourself, deal with your little successes and failures on your own terms...just hang out with your own soul. We all need that.

I lived in a hostel for 2 years, and trust me when I say this, that nothing teaches you more about this whole notion of personal space than communal living. You literally live 24/7 with people who you are not related to, and who are not in any way obliged to love and tolerate you unconditionally. There is a constant struggle to find space and time for yourself amidst all the noise and commotion, and all those intermingled lives...its insane.
One thing which I learnt in those two years, was that its not just a challenge to get your own personal space in such situations, its also a herculean task to give it to others, especially those who you feel close to. It is very easy to prod and bug and question incessantly about what X did, why do you do this Y...its very easy to nag and invade privacy. What is difficult, is to give the other person time to figure out what he/she wants to share, while showing that you, at the end of the day, care about that person. Its a tightrope, with a risk of being labelled indifferent on one hand, and interfering on the other. There is also the whole deal of knowing when to ignore people's pleas of "Leave me alone!" when you know better- that leaving them alone would just lead to more problems; as opposed to actually leaving them alone when they ask (or sometimes don't ask) for it. In fact, it is at times easier to deal with people who you really don't care much for; you don't need to know what they did, and they don't need to know what you did...and life's good.

As if life wasn't complicated enough!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Barso re megha!

It's been a while since I wrote something, and was even pulled up by creyzeee about it. I told her about me having a kind of a writer's block, and she, in her inimitable style, dismissed it with a "vadde log, vaddi baatein" type of comment ;) But its actually true, I was having a "I don't know what to write about" kind of problem.
Yesterday I got up, with a feeling, that I have to write about something. And just like that, as I looked out of my balcony in the morning, it started to rain. And all my favourite rainy day moments, and rainy day songs started playing in my head, waiting to be put in words, waiting to be immortalized.

So here it is, some of my rain-related memories!

1) I lived in Kuala Lumpur for 3 years, and true to its tropical nature, it rained practically every single day- I am NOT kidding. And I have never ever seen a better example of "pouring like cats and dogs". In my school, we had this rule that unless there was lightening, the sports class wouldnt be called off: so i have many memories of playing football in the open school grounds, the rain completely blocking my vision (i didnt have lenses at that point of time, so fun times for me!) and getting hit by the ball ALL the time. Once, my mom had driven me and my brother to a nearby park for an evening out, and it started pouring (as usual), and i remember the three of us (definitely not the most geographically blessed in the family) had to make our way back home, amidst the showers and traffic jam...my mom hasnt driven a car since kuala lumpur, but whenever i think of my mom driving, i think of that incident.

2) One of my all-time favourite scenes from one of my all time favourite movies is the rain-dance in the gazebo scene from kuch kuch hota hai. That movie (all cheesiness and cliches included) always reminds me of childhood, of times when movies were so real...and that one scene for me symbolizes romance to the hilt. Recently, it was played out again in dostana, but it wasnt quite the same ;)

3) One day when I was in 12th grade, due to some seriously heavy rains in Delhi, my school bus reached school about 2 hours late...i remember walking into class to an image of socks hanging on the side of the room, and umbrellas opened up all over the place. That day, the humanities section had gone out for some competition, and because of that, my psychology class was cancelled. So, during the maths class which our classmates were attending, me and another psych student hung around the whole school barefoot (coz our shoes and socks were wet) and we even played hopscotch (good ole' stapu) in the rain. I remember coming home from school on that already lovely day, to the surprise that the parents had bunked office! I was 16 years old, but trust me, I was as happy as a little girl to see her parents at home when she came home from school :)

4) One of my closest friends from school, P, was in a terrible car accident when we were in 3rd year of undergrad. I remember all of us went absolutely crazy when we heard and wanted to see her the next possible day...the day we (the school gang) decided to go see her, all of us assembled and had lunch at our (then) favourite haunt- nirulas, chanakyapuri (which i continue to miss!). After gorging onto food, we came out to find N's car (which was to take us to P's house) not where it was parked...it had been towed! By then it had started raining, and all of us went in autos to rescue the car...by the time we got to teen murti police station, it was raining so so heavily! i remember me and two of my other school friends waited in the car (with rain swishing all around us) while N and S went to fight it out with the policemen...by the time we reached P's house, all "wish you speedy recovery" type dialogue went for a toss and it was all about "do you know what happened to our car?" It's not really a rainy day memory, but the rain just adds spice to the story :)

5) Whenever it rains (at least for the past 3 years), the first song which comes to my mind is "barso re megha"- i danced to this song on hostel night during masters, and thus know each beat, each word, each musical note...and i never get tired of it. whenever i see raindrops, i just want to dance to barso re!

6) I had gone to Poland in the middle of my masters, and one day while visiting the city center in Warsaw, me and my cousins were caught in the middle of some serious thundershowers. After waiting for about 10 minutes for the rain to stop, and then figuring out that nothing like this was going to happen for at least an hour more, my cousins decided (against my better judgement) to run in the rain to the train station...i pleaded and protested, but the brothers bullied me into running with them. But what a run it was! By the time we reached the station, we were wet and when we asked a lady to take our photograph, she looked at us like we were bonkers! When we got home, my aunt and uncle promptly told us to change and had steaming hot pakoras and chai ready...aah bliss!

7) In my final year of masters, me and some friends (in a bid to lead more fun lives) decided to go to the IIT fest, and as soon as we entered the campus, it started raining heavily and people who we met told us that scheduled events were most likely cancelled, since they were to take place outside. Despite such warnings, all of us walked in the rain (we were dressed really nicely btw) with 2 'barely there' umbrellas...my sandal broke, all of us were drenched to the hilt...and by the time we reached the inside of the campus, it was confirmed that the events were cancelled. So after hanging around aimlessly for some time (in the rain!) and having soup or coffee (don't remember) all of us trudged back to our hostel...mulle ki daud masjid tak!

8) One of my cousins got married last year, and right before his wedding reception in delhi, four of us went for a walk around our colony (its a code word for "secret bonding time"). In the middle of this walk, it started raining heavily, and instead of running back to our respective houses (which were hardly 30 seconds away) all of us stayed in the middle of the rain in a sheltered spot, and continued to talk and chat it away amidst the puddles, the thunder and the raindrops. That is one 'walk' which I'll never ever forget :)

Rain has been used as a metaphor for a lot of things in books/movies/songs- for love, for separation, for change, for happiness, for new beginnings, for sadness, for tragedies...and a myriad of emotions. For me, rain has always been about joy, about fun, about memories of a lifetime...

Saturday, May 8, 2010

No Reservations

Reservations- a controversial topic in this country. It can incite protests, strikes, even immolation; perhaps its only next to communal violence in terms of evoking strong emotion in this country.
I am perhaps, the antithesis of the class of people which reservations cater to: I am an urban educated, upper caste, upper middle class Indian, who has had access to some of the best education this country can provide. So, my opinion would count for peanuts if I make a strong case against reservation. But that is just what I am going to do.
That does not mean I am elitist, or arrogant about my pedigree. I have absolutely nothing against the so called lower castes, nor do I adhere to this belief that only the upper castes have the brains to succeed. I have read much literature on the caste system, broken my head over the mind boggling facts and figures, and know that the whole concept of untouchability, and caste based discrimination, is a frightening reality- way beyond the comprehension of urban India. Despite all this, I have a serious problem with reservation. I have a problem with the Government deciding that since its schools arent anywhere near competent to provide even basic education, the private, so-called 'elite' schools must include disadvantaged, 'lower' caste children in their institutions. This 'shrugging' off responsibility is my problem. I have a problem with people from reserved classes being given preference in promotions, and college admissions, without taking into account what economic background they come from, and frankly, whether they even need such preferential treatment. It's quite ironic that the people who eventually reap the benefits of reservations, are those who are not in any way in need of them, which eventually leads to the people who deserve it, losing out. I am not against the Government giving extra benefits to the poor and the disadvantaged- but why can't this disadvantage be measured by economic factors, rather than what caste they belong to? Why should a rich Dalit be given preference over a poor Brahmin, just because our reservation criteria favours these so-called 'backward' castes?

Looking around, we can see that reservation has not really done any good in terms of integration of society. All it has done, is to deepen the cleavages between the various castes and social groups, and cause more animosity. If we have to kill social ills such as untouchability and caste based discrimination, it most certainly cannot be done by labelling people as 'backward classes' or 'scheduled classes'. This labelling of people into 'quota' category, does nothing except strengthen prejudices and stereotypes. Is that how India wants its people to be? Lets not make reservations a dividing factor; lets use affirmative action to benefit those who need it the most. Otherwise, no amount of reservations and 'quotas' can make India a superpower.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

of the (not-so) fine line between love and like

A few years ago, I stumbled upon some priceless wisdom; that 'love' and 'like' are two extremely distinct entities. Until then, and I am sure with many people it holds true, like and love were on a simple continuum; first there's like...and then there's love. The latter is just an extension of the former. As in, you meet someone, you like them..if you like them for long enough and spend loads of quality time with them and go through the right amount of awesome and terrible times, eventually you start to love them. So that could hold true for people such as friends, maybe some teachers, people you work with who eventually become friends, your 'better halves'...and so on.

But human beings are just not that simplistic. Which is why I redefined these concepts, for my better understanding ;)

As I see it, 'like' is more objective, more rational; you like someone for various reasons- maybe you admire them for certain qualities, you share similar interests/perceptions, that person is very nice and sweet...endless. 'Like' has a component of respect, of mutual understanding; its based on very clear factors. You can easily say "I like XYZ coz...."
'Love' on the other hand...is extremely irrational; it has no clear basis. You could love someone who is absolutely the opposite of you, who drives you up the wall on most days. Sometimes, you forget why you love someone, you've been doing it for so long! What about those who you love before you were given a chance to like them? Such as family- you never go through the like-turns-into-love phase with them. You have loved them since before you could think for yourself. Then there are people, who you absolutely dislike in terms of the people they are; they say/do/stand for things which you don't agree with at any level. But you cant help but love them, cant help but feel and pray for them.

My world is full of people who I like, but probably don't love; and of those who I dislike, and still inexplicably love. What about you?

Friday, April 9, 2010

Honesty...really?

Recently, in a conversation with my dear friend B, she narrated an incident which she had seen/heard of, wherein when a wife disclosed her past to her husband, he took it personally and started behaving badly. or something to that effect. but you get the picture. So that led to a discussion on honesty, wherein we differed. According to her, honesty is super integral to relationships- you need to tell everything and then if someone cant handle any of the truth, tough luck! My take was a little more...how should i say, cynical? practical? anyway, my take was that honesty is a highly overrated virtue, and in day to day life, we just cant handle many of the truths which are placed in front of us. I gave her examples of husbands-wives, bestest of friends, sisters even, who despite sharing their whole lives, and all the gory details...will leave certain things out, will lie at certain times.

Don't get me wrong...it's not like im urging the world to lie to all and sundry, nor am i trying to say that the world is an awful place and everyone lies to everyone, so don't trust even the souls closest to you. There are situations when honesty is THE need of the hour, and its one of the most basic ingredients to a good, successful relationship- whichever kind it may be. You cant do without it at all. My point is simply that, dishonesty is a phenomenon which is very natural, and one doesnt really think before tweaking the truth, or withholding certain pieces of info. The reasons for this may be numerous- either to make someone feel nice or to avoid certain unpleasant retorts- its endless really. Some people exaggerate and exaggerate (one of my very dear friends is living proof of that), but would you call them dishonest? There's something very negative about the term, giving it a very "immoral" sort of feel- which i have a problem with.

So while honesty is a virtue, dishonesty is not really a vice. It's a part of who we are, inherently.

Friday, February 12, 2010

the greatest epic EVER

Mahabharata.

its one of those constant, persistent phenomena in my life which has been there practically forever. legend goes that as a naughty, wild 2 year old, i used to sit with my grandmothers and watch mahabharata and ramayana back-to-back, and i could apparently recite their dialogues even in my sleep. thus, i don't remember ever watching mahabharata for the first time. but i do remember that as a child, i was always more partial to it than towards the other great epic, ramayana. initially, it was because the former tv show was better than the latter; later on in life, goaded by certain people who were more partial to ramayana, i read both the books, by c.rajagopalachari (his mahabharata is one of the finest books ever) and realized that i was still as partial to mahabharata! it can be attributed to two main things- a childhood fascination with the tv show (i mean COME ON...its one of the best things indian television has EVER shown!) and a genuine preference for complex characters.

i absolutely, positively LOVE the show; its one of the bestest things Indian television could ever produce and i salute to the timeless quality which it has. its been more than 20 years since they aired it, and i can still watch it with as much enthusiasm as i probably used to as a 2 year old. the songs are brilliant, the dialogues are super duper cool, the actors were tailor made to play the characters they did (i cant think of a single miscast person in the show) and the whole grandeur was fantabulous...i love it!

on a more serious, 'adult' level of analysis, i find the sheer complexity of characters fascinating. as a student of psychology (ya it makes me a superior being in every way :P) i have a certain sense of partiality towards the grey areas of human existence- i understand how no human being is perfect, and everyone has secrets, everyone has issues with the world...and sometimes intense love is as harmful, if not more, than intense hatred. thats precisely what mahabharat stands for. none of the characters (even the 'god' Krishna) has ever been portrayed as the greatest thing mankind would ever see- they were all flawed, all caught up with their own ego hassles and power struggles,every single character comes with their own bag and baggage, and has their own agendas in life....much like normal individuals. and as a viewer/reader, you are allowed to choose who you prefer- the sometimes good people who are on the side of wrong, or the sometimes bad people who are the upholders of the truth. i love how you are allowed to get irritated with yudhishtir when he starts to flaunt too much of 'holier than thou' attitude and how you feel like sympathizing with duryodhana when he dies all alone in the battlefield. i love how despite karna being on the 'bad' side and him doing some very ungentlemanly like things (like joining duryodhan and gang in insulting draupadi) you cant help but feel just so bad for the guy. i couldnt agree more with shekhar kapur when he describes karna as "the most tragic hero in all of literature". i love how each character, male or female, is so neatly etched out (except maybe the two random Nakul and Sahdev...poor guys never really got any presence anywhere!).

there's also a familial component to the obsession with mahabharata i.e. many members of the family (grandmom, parents being top of the list) could write a thesis on the subject. once, my grandmom and i watched 16 episodes back to back in a single day...neither of us even thinking of taking a break and watching something else (the good old days of video cassettes...sigh) we are the kind of people who get irritated if someone or something interrupts us in the middle of an episode...despite having seen each and every single episode at least a million times.
but i have never really met too many people of my generation who are as obsessed about the show or the epic as i am...many conversations are already running through my head...

Friday, January 29, 2010

एक ऐसी जगह बता जहाँ खुदा न हो

my religious/spiritual/etc etc type of views (or some semblance of it) have already been touched upon in this post. it is something i am extremely uncomfortable talking about or even being asked about. i find it a complete invasion of privacy when people ask me questions about my belief in a supreme power...it is something which i don't even discuss with people who i am tremendously close to.

why this sudden blog about my sentiments about this issue then? my recent trip to shirdi is the reason for this blog. to be completely honest, i didn't go to shirdi for the sake of going to 'shirdi' per say- i am no sai baba devotee, despite some of my closest relatives being ardent worshippers. i went coz i love travelling, i love seeing new places (yes even religious ones!), i love interacting with people on a journey- i have noticed (in all my travels!) that we are much more relaxed when on a trip, thus tend to be much more interesting to talk to ;)
so thats how i joined a group of six women- aunties, as one of them proclaimed (older girls i say)- on a four day trip to shirdi. it was a super fantastic trip- feminists might even call it liberating, since there was no male accompanying us. there was lots of talking, lots of information being shared, new things being learned about people, certain memories revived, and many more formed. it is extremely difficult for me to put into words the moments of the train journey, the peculiarities of the group members which everyone eventually adjusted to, and grew to love, the insane giggling which one would usually associate with teenage girls, the endless cups of chai, the sometimes superficial-sometimes heavy duty serious conversations....it was as awesome as a trip could and should be.

the experience of visiting shirdi was an eye opener in many ways- for starters, i went as a non believer...and while i wouldnt call myself a convert (although some people assume i am one since i visited shirdi), i have perhaps softened to the idea of sai baba.
but apart from this, there is a certain observation which I made. during the whole trip, there was a lot of talk of 'miracles'- instances of how someone was in trouble and baba saved them, how someone was in a mess and baba had showed the way...and many other events. the cynic and the atheist might dismiss them, the believer swears by them. as they say ना मानो तो पत्थर, मानो तो भगवान्! if you listen to the stories, you will be absolutely spellbound, by not just the content, but also of the deep faith that is reflected in each word of the narrator- its a strangely interesting sight!

as i see it, miracles happen to us, around us, every day. if we just stop and notice the little things around us, we would see that we're literally surrounded by miracles. things like classes being cancelled at the last minute, impromptu meetings with friends, relatives visiting, your favourite song coming on radio, coming home sans insane traffic jams- if you pay close attention, i guess these would come under the 'miracle' category. but we usually don't pay close attention. for us in our normal day life, we are too hardened and cynical to really notice anything, to really feel anything simple as something great. but when one is in a religious place, people generally seem to have a sense of heightened awareness and a strange sense of positivity- and anything remotely positive happening becomes a 'miracle'. i have generally seen that people are usually in a perennially good mood in religious places (the exceptional tiff with the security guards and pushing/shoving notwithstanding). perhaps its the vibe of the place, perhaps a sense of bhakti...i don't know. it is very utopian of me to perhaps wish that people everywhere carry that sense of peace and joy to their normal lives. to me, that would be a shining exemplar of belief, and faith.

{this post hasnt really followed a pattern...i guess it is because i feel extremely fragmented in terms of my sentiments about the various aspects of the trip- the different emotions and experiences havent really merged together into one post. oh well...such is life :) }

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Where are you from?

Four simple words.

Many people give a simple one word answer to this question. "Orissa", "Assam", "U.P."...and the list could go on and on. I, on the other hand, have extremely mixed and confused feelings about this question; regardless of how much I try to simplify the reply, there really is no straight answer to this question.

If I absolutely have to answer quickly in short, I say "I am from Tamil Nadu." That leads to three possible responses- 1) when the questioner just acknowledges it and remains silent after that (an extremely rare phenomena), 2) the questioner acknowledges it and proceeds to ask me further uncomfortable/unanswerable questions like "oh which part are you from?" OR 3) "Really? you don't look it!"
I love category 1)- they make life simple. To category 3)- On a good day, I usually smile and laugh at their stereotype. On days when I am feeling particularly aggressive, I launch into a bhashan about cultural stereotypes. But usually, it's category 2) who make life a little complicated with their persistent questioning.
Generally, I have a rehearsed answer- "Im a Tamilian, but never lived in Tamil Nadu; mostly been brought up in Delhi." But even that's not the whole truth. Because although my parents were born and brought up here and even I was born here, I didn't really grow up here, in the traditional sense. So when someone asks further and starts questioning "Oh which school?", I say "Oh my parents are in the foreign service so I sort of studied all over. But I did my 11th and 12th from Sanskriti." I add the last part, hoping that they would stop the tirade of questions...but I often underestimate the inquisitiveness which is so characteristic of us human beings(!) So then comes the next question "ohhh, where did you grow up?" (yeah, some people are pretty persistent) I proceed to launch into a mini autobiography (more like a mini-geography). Some people, overawed by the mention of so many countries, even go further and ask "How come you don't have an accent then?" or "How come you know Hindi so well?" I even got a "You don't look like you've spent part of your life abroad- you're not classy enough." The last one particularly cracks me up :)

On certain confusing, weird days, I feel like I am from nowhere in particular.
I am a Tamilian, but know nothing about Tamil Nadu, have never lived there, my parents have never lived there, and I have just a smattering of relatives there. I most certainly don't fit into the "Tamil girl" stereotype (at least I don't feel like one). I once got a "You're not dark, you don't wear glasses- you don't look South Indian." UGH.
I am a Delhiite from heart and soul; its the only city I know, its the city I was born in, the city I went to school and college in. But I guess I won't fit into the 'typical' definition of a Delhi girl- I have only spent 11 years in this city (and even thats not 11 years at a stretch).
I have been brought up abroad, but no visible part of me really supports that- i don't have an accent, i am apparently not classy enough.

Major identity crisis in the offing? Not really. The confusion, the complexity becomes me on most days...it's an integral part of who i am. "Where are you from?" is just one of those questions (like this) for which I dont have a one word answer...

What a way to start the new year!