Tuesday, December 30, 2008

2008: the year that was

like most years, this year has had its share of highs and lows. overall, i think it was a decent year. not as melodramatic as last year, but not event-less (just invented the word).

january: i ended 07 and began 08 with a week long trip to rajasthan with a myriad of cousins, aunts, uncle and nephew, and my mom too. on december 31st 07/jan 1st 08, we happened to be in udaipur. a company which i had applied for internship offered me a full time job (and this company happened to be the best employer in 06 or 07) which i sadly had to reject. but it was a major self esteem boost nevertheless! the last week of january, i attended the training sessions for tele counselling at snehi; easily one of the bestest experiences of my life.

february: mostly taken up by snehi (super hectic, super crazy, emotionally veryyy draining, but totally worth it). there was also hostel night (where i won first prize for solo dance...thank you thank you) and my birthday- the first without any family member; but my friends were AWESOME to say the least.

march: PRACTICALS!!! the whole month was about finishing those idiotic practicals and submitting them. and the fear of the impending exams. oh and i also got through abacus for summer training- didn't know it then, but it was going to be a major life changing experience.

april: easily the worst month of the year. the worst exams i have EVER given in my life. each day was like living hell. but we got through it all (and with flying colours, but that's later).

may: exams OVER! went to bahrain!!! had an awesome 3 weeks, with cousins also coming over for the first week. started work at abacus.

june: ABACUS! 6 day weeks, getting accustomed to a real office, with work and responsibilities being given to you. utter madness; learnt to value all working women, especially my mom and my aunts who work, and manage their home with such grace and ease.

july: RESULTS came out! we all passed the most horrendous exams with marks which surpassed all our wildest dreams! then there was my first official trip! to jaipur with the abacus team. immensely exhausting, but an incredible experience.

august: EUROPE!!! amazing family reunion and sightseeing in poland and germany. totally totally rocked.

september: left abacus. and at the end of the month, left for bahrain (for the last time).

october: i was supposed to come back to delhi on the 19th, but by a fluke, my stay got postponed till the end of october. so the entire month was spent with the family. the best month of the year!

november: nothing much happened in november i guess, except pseudo-dissertation work and tons of presentations. but november ended with THE attack on mumbai; an event which cannot be forgotten easily.

december: started with another mini family reunion, got to see my second nephew (!). a marriage in the family was fixed- so the year promises to hold tons of excitement for that. i have never celebrated the new year without any family member; this year im bringing in the new year with a very dear friend, who i fondly refer to as my evil step twin.

many other events happened:
  1. shifting rooms in the hostel- hey it was big deal leaving my beloved room 103.
  2. my old roommate moving out (who i continue to miss).
  3. my new roommate(s)- so technically i have one roommate, but in reality, there are four of us in that room; the three people who i share the rambo room (long lame story) with, are people who i havent known long, but they are people who are now a very special part of my life.
  4. i decided what i wanted to do with my life! well its a tentative plan and there's a greatttt chance of it NOT working out, but hey- i decided something, that's big.
now that i look back at this year-end review, the year seems to have been a good year after all. as always, relationships have changed; some have strengthened, others have faded away. many memories have been formed- mostly good ones!

last year i had wished a peaceful and event-less year; 2009, i know, will be quite eventful- there's my brother's engagement in january (another family reunion), there's the dissertation to finish, there's MASTERS to finish- for the first time in my life, i dont know where im going to go in july; all the years in the past, its been school, college, then M.A., there's nowhere to go in 2009 (scary thought?!). my family's moving back in april and after three and a half years, ill finally be home. then there's the wedding in august, which is BIG.

there's much to look forward to in 2009 and i wish a veryyyyy HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009 EVERYONE!!! hope this year brings joy and happiness to everyone :)

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

inflation? or just bad luck?

right.

so apparently, you cannot dream of buying a decent, little fancy, suit piece for less than 2500 bucks these days in this city. and i used to think 2500 rupees is a hell of a lot of money.

but no.

if you go into a shop, whether in rohini, rani bagh, lajpat nagar, south ex (even NALLI), and say "budget is 2500, i want a moderately fancy suit material" the shop keepers look at you like you're from a different planet. my family members consider me very picky when it comes to choosing clothes. i dont think i am all that finicky. all i want is clothes with no paraphernalia attached to it, no feathers, no unnecessary oversized sequins, and no garish colours. is that too much to ask for? i think not. but apparently, such simple, yet elegant suits are now priced above 2500 bucks. the nalli guy tells me slyly "mam you cant get the kind of suit you want within 2500" and this is NALLI we're talking about.

i fail to understand what the problem is. is it within me? am i incapable of picking out clothes and taking decisions? are people around me lying when they say "i dont like anything here"; maybe they do like something and are just scared of me to try and convince me to buy something? is delhi just too overpriced? or is my budget too low? mind you, my initial plan was to spend max 2000 bucks. what a joke.

so like i was wondering; is it inflation, or just my sheer bad luck?

Monday, December 8, 2008

Bitter Chocolate- Revisited

This is a piece I wrote about two years ago, as catharsis. In the past 24 hours, two conversations have reminded me of CSA again, so it felt appropriate to put this piece up here.

****************

A teacher recommends three books in her class. The students take turns borrowing the books and share notes.

“So how was bitter chocolate?”

“Umm, depressing yet amazing…very well written…you should definitely read it.”

So I get the book and start reading it. The book begins with an author’s note which churns my stomach. Ok, its ok, just a book, I tell myself. Except that no one told me that it’s not JUST a book. Bitter chocolate is an experience, albeit a traumatic one at that, which makes your mind go totally haywire. But first, let me tell you about the book in much the same fashion as Pinki Virani, the author, writes it: dripping with facts.

Bitter chocolate is a book about child sexual abuse in India. It is divided into three notebooks. The first deals with what CSA is, the statistics and the effects of it. The second notebook gives two detailed case histories. Finally, the third notebook talks about the healing process, recovery of CSA victims and their families. The book is interspersed with several real life case histories.

The book ends with a list of books recommended by the author on CSA and related subjects, such as marital abuse. It also contains a small compilation of contact details of NGO’s working in the area of CSA, in the major Indian cities.

Now that the facts are over, let me come to the real thing- Bitter Chocolate was a harrowing experience for me, which shook my very soul. I was never ignorant to CSA/sexual abuse before reading the book: the countless OPRAH shows which I have watched on the subject will vouch for that.

But this was different. Very different. Perhaps it was the Indian context, perhaps the cold bloodedness of the hard facts or perhaps it was the sarcasm underlying every word in every page of the book; I don’t know.

But I know that I will never be the same again. I am seeing every human being in a new light, in a new perspective. Every male seems like a potential perpetrator of CSA. Looking at every woman and child makes me question: have they been sexually abused today? Or yesterday? Will they ever be sexually abused at any point in their lives? Oh leave aside strangers. I have started to doubt my family members, my friends, their families, neighbours and about countless people who I have ever known in my life: all of them seem like they hold some secret related to CSA….do they?

None of these emotions are in any way exaggerated or written for effect. Not even the fact that after I finished the first notebook, I stayed up all night crying inconsolably, questioning just about everything in this universe.

Would I recommend this book to anyone? OF COURSE and not just to anyone, but to everyone who cares to listen. To everyone who has ever loved and trusted. Essentially to everyone who knows how to read. It would be to create awareness, to make CSA a dining table conversation. But more than that, perhaps I would recommend it to people in hope, that someday, someone, somewhere would read it and find peace, even for a few minutes. Or better yet, prevent CSA from taking place.

Would I read it again? Or rather, do I have it in me to go through the whole ordeal again? Honestly, I don’t know and I can’t say.

So coming back to the question: how IS Bitter Chocolate? Simply put, an experience.

 ********************