which language do you think in?

my answer: i dont know.

when people ask me how many languages i know; i say "three; tamil, hindi and english".
tamil is my mother tongue, my native language. i speak tamil with my parents and my brother, my grandmother and some other relatives. but from tamil nadu standards, my tamil is, to put mildly, RUBBISH. my vocabulary is severely limited, my tamil is accented (now what accent it is, no one knows), and i dont understand typical tamil words. in fact, i never ever understand tamil songs in the first go...its almost like im listening to english songs. i cant write tamil and my tamil reading skills are a notch above those of an illiterate.

my hindi on the other hand, is quite decent, for someone who's only studied hindi till the 4th. in fact, my hindi's better than many of those, who have stayed in india all their lives. i give the credit to my love for hindi movies. my hindi's not accented (at least thats what people tell me). but my hindi reading speed is slowwww...and lets not even get started about my hindi writing.

english is perhaps the language i am best at. i can speak it well (the blabbering, fumbling and sheer incoherence can be attributed to nervousness, social phobia and anxiety), i write it well (ya ok im immodest; but it IS a talent i have), and i understand it well too!

{oh and i know a tad bit of french too. i learnt it for 5 yrs. i spoke passable french for a year. now, my knowledge of francais is limited to words i read on the back of bottles and packages}.

so i know all these languages. yeah. but i dont know what language i think in. the minute i start to think about what language i think in, i get conscious and i stop thinking about what i was thinking in the first place, and start thinking about what language i think in.

its definitely not tamil. unless im thinking about a conversation with my parents or brother. its definitely a lot of english, because its a language i feel comfortable with. it could be hindi too...but not so much. maybe 75% english and 25% hindi. or maybe 80% english, 15% hindi and 5% tamil.

i should seriously figure out which language i think in. im getting restless now.